it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
