i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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