the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
