Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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