hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My dick has a subreddit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
