mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
