sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
