it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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