Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
