so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
