I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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