here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
