he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
