I think I won the penis lottery.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
