All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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