i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
