This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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