OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
