Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
