My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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