You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
