then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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