Got a toothbrush?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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