Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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