Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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