just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
