I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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