Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
