a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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