College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
