I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize