you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize