So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
