Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
