I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
