grandma shit on top of the toilet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize