how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
