every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize