Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
