There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
