Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
