she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
