I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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