My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
