Whod you bang
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
