I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
