Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I would ride that face into the sunset
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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