my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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