Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
