That's intense
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
