I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
