Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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