oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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