that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
