I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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