google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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