you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
