Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
