This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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