The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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