He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize