What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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