I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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