i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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