and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
