The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize