hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize