i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
