I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
