I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
