Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
