i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
