If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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