Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
