Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
